you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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