If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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