just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
