oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
