They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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