my room smells like sperm. sweet.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
