Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
