I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
