I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I am available for nakedness
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
