dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Let's get the cat blown out
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
