So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
