i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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