Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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