after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
