Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
