I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
