I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
