so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize