those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
