you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's blow job season.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
