There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
