I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
