Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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