my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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