You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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