I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
