he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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