Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
