Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
