There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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