***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
