I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
