Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
There's even glitter on my cock...
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