Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
porn star boner night. come get it.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
