What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
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he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
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The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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