you have to choose: penises or morals?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
