Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
