how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
