If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
