She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
