Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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