you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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