Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
