mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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