He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
