He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
