why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
