I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I touched a dick in church today
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