So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
