we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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