you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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