I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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