im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
