so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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