we have officially lost it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
