We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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