It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
