Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
