I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
