i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
