I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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