So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
