Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
