Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
