Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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