I cannot find my penis.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i love accidental penises.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
