Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
