Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
