I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
