Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
