We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
