Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
