Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
