we're chasing vodka with high fives
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything