he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
