I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
